sau.per@hotmail.com - Versión
en Español
I wish to get in contact with people that have been through similar experiences, or at least that have asked themselves about the purpose of their lives.
In May 1979, when I was 20 year-old, I raised myself the following question: this is a world of violence, lie and wickedness. If Truth and Happiness exist, from now onwards I am determined to find them!
From that moment on, it would doubt any statement made by anyone until I checked their truthfulness.
I left the accounting career and began the search through books. I thought it was the best way to gather information. I have never spent much time reading but I began to read with avidity about philosophy, psychology, sociology, politics, economy, novels, poetry and especially orientalism (mainly Krishnamurti and Zen Buddhism) because I know I would immediately find answers.
At the same time, I practiced “yoga” at home based on the books I had. I reached a deep state of peace and detachment. Its most supernatural expression was to have an extracorporeal experience being in lotus yoga position.
However, after some months I observed stagnation and I realized I was getting isolated from the world. At the end of that year, I stopped reading and doing yoga and began a pottery course. The following year, I began social working and social psychology careers together with kung-fu practices.
I had a lot of relationships and was very busy. Their intensity and what I experienced made me feel good.
By the middle of 1980, I was invited by a social working classmate to a meeting of a group to which she belonged to called “The Community”. I attended the meeting and after a brief period in which I learned about its doctrine, I embraced the institutional cause with great enthusiasm and dedication.
“The Community” was defined as a social and cultural non -profit institution destined to the development and balance of human beings; free from religious or political connotations.
“The Community” fundamental ideas were:
a) “It does not make sense if everything ends in death” (the belief in personal transcendence as a useful mean to face the life positively).
b) “Humanize the earth” (put an end to the lack of communication and isolation of the people we know.
c) “Eliminate violence”. (Propel non violence).
d) "Treat others as you would like them to treat you".
At the same time I spread these ideas among my acquaintances. I began to experience strange inner changes.
I had alternating periods. States of sadness alternated with states of euphoria. During the first ones, I felt very strong, my sexual desire was intensified, I had absolute certainty as to what I said and the projection of my inner self towards the others. Sometimes, when I was in bed at night I felt like a nuclear factory ready to explode. I was very hot; I trembled and my body was contracted. I breathed with difficulty. I felt desperate and desolate for the uncertainties of what would come.
Other times, I felt unwillingness, lack of confidence and fear to talk about positive ideas. I often had nightmares and other more relaxing dreams related to water.
These stages attenuated towards a growing balance of peace, understanding, strength and happiness. I began to have some brief moments in which my sight was illuminated and I had the view of going an upward road and that something important was beginning to happen inside me.
I had a dream of extraordinary clarity. I dreamed I was a lonely armed warrior who could conquer a huge army in a night battle.
Some nights later, I had a clearer dream. I was peacefully walking through a tunnel in the dark. At the end of that tunnel, I could see a light which caught my attention and intensified as I get closer. When I got to the end of the tunnel I was amazed by the overwhelming light of midday in an unknown city.
Two or three days later, August 19th, 1981, at 10 p.m. while I was at work, I suddenly felt an enormous luminous force ascend from my body to my head which changed my perception of the world and myself.
The experience took place approximately 10 months after recurrent symptoms and lasted approximately 2 or 3 seconds. Its luminous effect continued for a long time. This state was characterized by inner brightness and of the world, visual deepness, and sensation of “body window” and outside projection. I perceived Real world different from the previous monotonous and gray existence. I felt lighter, absolute happiness and a wish to tell others about the experience. I had mental clarity. I could govern my thoughts, cancel fear and violence. Liberate suffering.
I compared what had happened to me with budic enlightenment and “conscious enlargement or representation of space enlightenment” summarized in “La Comunidad” objectives of study regarding inner perfection. Nevertheless, my partners did not understand what was happening to me.
However, several questions remained unanswered: Why did suffering, violence and death exist?
If I made public what I had gone through. Why others and specially my partners had not experienced the same?
I kept on participating in “La Comunidad” with more enthusiasm because I felt it answered my questions about Truth and Happiness.
Institution members had reduced. I was so excited that “counselors” advised me to move to Rosario. Members were more numerous and I would be able to develop a more beneficial activity.
I moved to Rosario in September, 4th, 1982 after selling all my books, records and sound system. I quit my studies, work and relations.
Keeping in mind I had just arrived and met very few people, I participated in the group working as a minute’s secretary.
I started to feel a sensation weakness. I thought it was due to an inner flaw, as it had happened in the past.
An internal group activity called “criticism and self-criticism" was carried out. It consisted in sitting down in circle and say, one by one, each member and oneselves’ negative behavior. I felt surprised when I noticed there was general coincidence on individual mistakes, something which I had previously suspected but I did not want to doubt my “counselors” who were my spiritual guide. They sometimes had inadequate behaviors such as: heated discussions, mockeries, expressions of arrogance, lies, rude treatment, etc.
The purpose of this activity was to correct the mistakes. That did not happen. After a while, I left the institution.
I was having a hard time. I was by myself in a strange city, no job no friends (I had given part of my money to “La Comunidad” or spent it in groceries or the rent.
However, I was not desperate since I was supported by solid experiences. Then I thought to myself that my “all-powerful” will had only taken me to that dead end.
In October, 1982 I remembered that among the scarce clothes I had – all my possessions- I had kept a pocket Bible -those published by Gedeons- an evangelist classmate had given to all of us when I was studying social working.
I had never wanted to read it because it caused me repulsion the cult to a dead or dying man hanging on a cross imagen or the verbosity of preachers. I thought Jesus was a megalomaniac.
So, I began to read it, and while I was reading it, I realized JESUS WAS ALIVE INSIDE ME.
I started to have definitive answers. I had the experience of the traveler that gets home after a trip with frights.
I lived in Rosario one more year in a hostel with an unsteady job suffering penury until I returned to Santa Fe.
I looked for Christian brothers in all churches; even the Catholic Church. But I only found hypocrisy and complicity in the foolishness of their cults.
From that moment on, I met a lot of people sharing my spiritual finding -which is not mine-. I had periods of lethargy and periods of inner growth. Since 2000, thanks to my God, to whom I live joined in his Love, I feel his protection and constant blessing, which are always reflected in a growing happiness and understanding.
Update January 2008
Since July 2006, the date whn I published this page, I entered the one at Portal Dimensional with the only purpose of finding sincere friends who wish to give some meaning to their lives.
Since then and specially during 2007 I started to meet, through this medium, people who understood the escence of the testimony and which whom today I'm bounded with True Jesus.
These are the testimonies from some of them (in spanish) .
